In a bad situation, it's important to recognize and embrace the good, as Christian Dolan explains.
Monday, 17 October 2016
Having completed my CAM Diploma
in Digital Marketing earlier this year, it was time for me to find a
role which is more marketing focused and kick start my new career path.
Six months in and I am still looking.
Despite interview after interview I am still on the hunt. To give some
perspective, there has been an increase in the frequency of interviews
as well as the stages I am getting down to – on two occasions I got down
to the final two but lost out due to either lack of marketing
experience within the sector or due to the other person having something
I don’t – usually some other experience which is required as part of
the job role.
Now anyone who has ever aggressively
been on the hunt knows just how hard this is (we are still on about job
hunting here, not a Friday evening on Grindr! Stay focused). Talking to
my partner, who is probably the most supportive and patient person going
in all of this as he, more than anyone else, hears all the moans and
groans of the struggle and yet still manages to help me see the light at
the end of the tunnel and to keep on at it. His words of advice to me:
“…to make use of what you have got so far, being proud of what you have
achieved to get to this stage. To be able to identify just how far you
have come compared to where you were when you initially started this
journey.” Sound words of advice. Words I have since taken on board and
utilised in any way I can.
It is all about making the best out of a
bad situation. I just have to not give up and keep on applying until
the right one comes along.
Take that concept into another context
now – an HIV+ diagnosis. Again, like my current situ with the job hunt,
being HIV+, as it stands, is something I cannot change no matter how
much I may wish to. So the best thing to do now is to make the best of a
shit situation.
Unfortunately, there are many people who feel that their life is over once
they have received a positive diagnosis and thus they struggle to deal
with it. There is the fear of rejection when it comes to dating or
because of the fear and stigma that is still associated today with
living with HIV. This spectrum of fear is not something that just
appears at the start and then either stays or goes. It can creep up at
various stages through ones’ life, rearing its ugly head when you least
expect it to.
" Hell if I was as on the case as I am telling you to be, maybe I wouldn’t be here today writing this."
The first positive of being positive is that I know my status.
Therefore, I know what my situation is. The same unfortunately can’t be
said for so many people who presume they are negative and to make
matters worse, don’t regularly get tested. How do you know for sure?
Something which I push for so much among my negative peers. Knowing my
situation means I can take full control over it. I.e. do everything I
can to ensure I am keeping myself as healthy as possible. Take note, get
tested. Hell if I was as on the case as I am telling you to be, maybe I
wouldn’t be here today writing this.
Secondly, being HIV+ can
sometimes mean having a weakened immune system, and because of this I am
a bit more conscientious about my lifestyle in regards to
keeping healthy and eating well. A slight flu bug can really knock me
back so I am extra cautious to wrap up when cold and get my flu jab done
as well as just making sure I am getting enough vitamins, etc. to stay
on top of my game. I have achieved some awesome goals along this
journey, I’ve ran marathons, done a solo cycle to Brighton, to just name
a couple.
Now with HIV comes the antiretroviral
therapy (ART) you have to take to keep the virus at bay. When I started
my ART I was already four years diagnosed - I started late as my body is
clearly as stubborn as its owner and my CD4 refused point blank to drop
as quickly as my consultant expected it to.
Sitting
in with the pharmacist, consultant and my sister, who wanted to come
along and support me, I cried. I was scared. It became all too real, it
was like being 22 and scared shitless all over again. The concept being
once I started them – that’s it. This is for life. Three and a half
years later and it is now a mere part of my evening routine and I think
next to nothing of it. I adhere to my routine because it is first and
foremost in my best interest to do so, but also for in the best interest
of my partner to remain negative by me being undetectable (I will come
back to this later).
Now I know of so many people who
unfortunately have had their meds changed umpteen times over for various
reasons. Their body rejects them or they have seriously bad side
effects from them. Thankfully, this has happened to me only once,
something I'm grateful for. The positive side to being on meds for life is that I am now undetectable, and have been consistently since I was told back in May 2013. According to the PARTNER study, transmission
with an undetectable viral load doesn't happen. Now if this isn’t
making the best thing of a bad situation I don’t know what is.
What if I could change it all? Ask me if
I could turn back the clocks would I? Not at all. I have said it again
and I will keep doing so, it has made me the man I am today and my
answer will never change.
I have may some amazing allies who I now
call friends, I have educated and been educated. Hell, it is one bitch
of a wakeup call.
There are also many people who are not
HIV+ but are indirectly affected by HIV one way or another. These people
work tirelessly to fight the stigma and discrimination. To provide
accurate information in regards to HIV which is reliable, revised
regularly and trusted – NAM is one
example of such an organisation. Being positive and seeing what good
stead I am in I hope is seen as a weapon that will aid in the defeat of
the stigma that is still rife today.
As a closing thought, there are so many
more positive things to being positive, as dumbfounding as some may find
that statement. So next time you meet someone who discloses their
status to you, see the positives, it will help them to embrace the good
out of a bad situation. Your words may even be the trigger which picks
someone, who may not be dealing with it well, up off the floor, dust it
off and start to really make a change for the better. Showing the
positivity of being positive I believe will help defeat the barriers
such a condition holds.
Read more articles from Positive Lite, here.
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