Why my life, as an HIV positive man, would have been very different if I had been offered PrEP

________________________________________________________________________________ 

My legs were crossed, my feet curled around one another. My shoes needed polishing. I glanced at the two guys on the other side of the room. They seemed equally nervous. One was flicking through a magazine, the other staring at his phone. The armchairs in the waiting area were comfortable. I sank back, arching myself against the chair and pushing my lower body forwards until my chin was resting on my chest. I had been waiting at the STI clinic for nearly two hours. It was 2007 and I was 22 years old. I was waiting to see a doctor to be prescribed Post-Exposure Prophylaxis (PEP), which I knew could prevent the transmission of HIV if taken within 72 hours of exposure. This was the first of two occasions that I would be prescribed PEP. 

Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis (PrEP) is the game-changing treatment which can prevent the transmission of HIV. The recent news that the NHS is not going to roll PrEP out nationally is saddening. I am incredibly frustrated by this decision. Taking one pill (Truvada) daily reduces the chances of HIV transmission dramatically. Trials have shown PrEP to be highly effective. The PROUD study, which started in 2012, has shown PrEP to reduce HIV transmission rates by 86%.
I was diagnosed with HIV IN 2010, at the age of 24. The news was unexpected and frightening. It took me several years to come to terms with my diagnosis.

Fortunately I emerged from this difficult process an empowered, healthy and happy young man. Prior to my diagnosis as HIV positive, the two occasions when I took PEP were tense. I was at university at the time. I worked hard during the week, but loved to go out on London’s club scene at the weekends. I enjoyed being young and, despite my best intentions, there were occasions where I could have been exposed to HIV. I was worried about being within the 72 hour deadline for PEP. The earlier the medication is taken, the more likely it is to be effective. The treatment is prescribed at STI clinics. I had to check clinic opening times. I felt like the clock was ticking and every second mattered. Uncertainty and fear took over my life. I was able to concentrate on little else other than getting to the clinic and being prescribed PEP.

The day I was diagnosed with HIV, I had actually gone to the STI clinic to obtain PEP. I had finished studying the previous summer and had started working at a law firm in financial services. I thought I was HIV negative and believed myself to have been exposed on Saturday night. The STI clinics are not open on a Sunday. I spent Sunday afternoon and evening worrying, scared about the potential consequences of the previous night. On Monday I had to go to Birmingham for a business meeting, but I got up at sunrise to ensure that I would be there early. I worked quickly, so that I could catch a train and go to the STI clinic in London over my lunch break. At the STI clinic they did an HIV test and told me that I didn’t need PEP, as I was already HIV positive. I must have become HIV positive several months earlier. The news was unexpected and I was very upset. I felt like my stomach had been ripped out. I was in shock. I went back to my apartment, which was nearby. I had some time, because of how early I had risen that morning. I interchangeably sat upright on my sofa and paced the room. I curled up in a foetal position and held myself. Tears slid down my face.

Read more articles from Our Queer Stories, here.