Friday, March 25, 2011

Love and Understanding

I think about all the hurting people in this world and wonder why do people have to be so mean to each other. Life here on earth is just a short time that should be enjoyable, not a time of hiding out and being scared to be who you are or who you were created to be. 

You see all my life I knew I was different from all the rest of the boys I grew up around. I really had no one to talk to about how I was feeling on the inside. If I did try to talk about it I was shamed or made fun of or mocked. Growing up in "church" made it very difficult to be who I was made to be. 

You constantly hear the preacher telling you, you are going to "hell" if you do this or that or if you did not believe a certain way. So many times in life we think that "preacher" is so "Godlike" that he must be right, instead of actually going to God ourselves for the answer.

I cried a lot when I was alone in my bed at night and would beg God to make me a "normal" boy. One who could have feelings for girls like all the other little boys. I was ashamed of myself for wanting to hold hands with other little boys and not the girls. I was ashamed that I wanted to kiss the boys the way I saw them kiss the girls. So I struggled to be that kind of boy, the boy who could kiss a girl, hold her hand and be like all the other boys. Why? Because that was the "right thing to do". Well, it does not work that way my friend. You can not live a lie and be someone you were NOT created to be, it only leads to more self hate and loneliness..

As the years passed I thought I would never get an answer from God. The "church" tried to pray the evil "homosexual" tendencies out of me. I continued on my journey of self discovery. I was attending a "church" that preached homosexuality was a sin and those who were homosexual were out of the will of God. If you were a "practicing" homosexual you were not part of God's chosen.

What a glorious day in my life when the minister had special guests in the church who were "prophets" of God.

One of the "prophets" called me out of the audience to prophesy over me. As this prophet began to speak to me I knew that God was truly using him to talk to me. God was answering my prayers, but not like I was expecting. He told me that God saw all the nights I lay in my bed crying out to HIM and He heard my prayer. He told me that I was created in God's image and I was exactly how God had created me. There was no reason for God to change me to be a "normal" boy, because I was normal in the eyes of God. He told me I was called to be a Good Shepherd over the people who were just like me. He told me that I would experience all the things that the people just like me would experience so I could be a Good Shepherd to them. See I knew from a very young age that God had called me to be a minister, so this was not new news. I never dreamed, however, that God actually loved me and created me just I was. 

I have gone through everything imaginable for the past 20+ years of my life. Things I would have never dreamed I would go through. I have felt the hurt, separation, loneliness, hatred, sickness, you name it I seem to have gone through it. I know that I have been allowed to go through these things so I can identify with others who are going through the same thing.

In 2008 God spoke to me again about being a Good Shepherd. This time I was at what I thought was the lowest point in my life. I was taken to a food bank by a friend so I could get some food. It just so happened that this one was run by a local Baptist Church. When the little older lady took me back we went into a small room so she could talk to me. She told me they like to talk to all the new people to see if they need spiritual help. She just looked at me and touched my knee and said young man you are an anointed one of God. Tears began to well up in my eyes. Then this little lady looked up at the ceiling and said okay God I will tell him. She said you remember son when God told you that you would be going through a wilderness period in your life. I nodded because I was sobbing by this time. She then said God wants me to tell you that you are almost through, but there is one more thing you must face. This thing will be the biggest thing you have ever gone through and you will know that your wilderness journey is almost over when you look up to the heavens and cry out, "THIS TOO GOD, REALLY THIS TOO".. Well, we hugged as she prayed over me then she took me back to get my food and I was on my way. 

A few months passed and nothing much had changed in my life until I had a break up with my partner. We were separated for three months, even tho we still lived under the same roof. 

During that time I became a bit promiscuous and that is when my life changed forever. One day I got a phone call from this young man I had seen and was told I needed to get tested. Needless to say, I got tested. That day, May 28th, 2009 at 10:15 am I learned that I was HIV Positive. My life was never going to be the same after that day. When I got home from the testing site, I sat on my front porch and cried out to GOD, THIS TOO GOD REALLY THIS TOO!!! At that very moment the words of that little old lady at the food bank came flooding back over me. I knew that from that day forward my life was definitely going to change. 

Go here for more of my story: A Word to those newly diagnosed

I want you to know that GOD does LOVE you! God has created you just as you are in HIS image

You do not need to be validated by a "church" or a "preacher", you are validated by your Creator!! Take courage in this my friends, 

John 3:15-17  
"15 that everyone who believes may have eternal life in him.
 16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." 

Galatians 3:28-29
"28 There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. 29 If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise."

Ephesians 4:4-6
 "4 There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6 one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all."

John 14:6
"Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

So, if you are struggling to find yourself, remember God created you in HIS image. He made you to be exactly who you are and no one can take that away from you. Turn to God and let HIM give you the comfort you are longing for in your life. Let God be the Lover of your soul.

Isaiah 25:4 and Psalm 62:1-2, 7-8

 "4. For thou hast been a strength to the poor, a strength to the needy in his distress, a refuge from the storm, a shadow from the heat, when the blast of the terrible ones is as a storm against the wall.

1 Truly my soul waiteth upon God: from him cometh my salvation.

2 He only is my rock and my salvation; he is my defence; I shall not be greatly moved.

7 In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God.

8 Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah."

I will share more so stay tuned. God be with you and let 

HIS UNCONDITIONAL Love engulf your heart as you 

seek HIM as you are in HIS image.

"Straight Talk" about Homosexuality (NOT ANTI-GAY!!)

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