Thoughts on Being Damaged
By C.L. Frederick
05/31/2017
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I
want to level with you. I am in zero way normal. I don’t act socially
acceptable. I don’t follow the expected or safe path in life, and I have
yet to be affected by the word “shame.” Sometimes memories trickle back
to a time in my life when I desperately wanted to be just like everyone
else. You know the ones who held power over polite social circles. The
ones with seemingly perfect lives void of any messy or challenging
character traits that could be used against them. The quintessential
ostrich, sand, head, butt type of personality.
Normal
seemed appealing to me because it represented security and acceptance.
Unfortunately, a normal life was never in the cards for me. I was not
cut out to deny all that my humanity encompassed, even my dark. Some
have called me broken, but they were wrong. I’m a damaged individual and
there is a difference.
Life
affects everyone. Some have a more taxing journey than others through
no fault of their own. There are “outliers” that the American social
structure just can’t wrap its warped little mind around. Most of those
closest to me understood that in my life I had unimaginable struggles,
life-threatening situations and traumatic experiences that I was forced
to overcome.
How they treated me was on those hurdles alone. I jokingly
refer to myself a severely screwed-up person; in actuality it’s the
truth.
To
be damaged, there has to be trauma; physical or psychological trauma.
Traumatic events are survivable, but they always leave emotional scars
and there is simply no way around that. Scars are always an ode to
remembrance.
Trauma
occurs after a disturbing or life-altering ordeal. Sufferers may
develop extreme anxiety or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. They may have
continuing complications with relationships and self-worth. About 75
percent of trauma survivors develop addiction issues, which is the
“burning platform” that should alarm everyone. I don’t know about you,
but I think damaged people are extraordinary. I have always had a
tremendous amount of respect for those who have lived through dark and
damaging experiences.
Most
people write damaged individuals off, failing to see the beauty in
their struggles. Reality is that no one escapes life without a few
scratches. Some have lived through happenings that have left them
permanently scarred and damaged. Money and other social trappings could
never begin to help them heal. Some experiences are so traumatic that
even surviving them with the label “damaged” says a lot.
As
I see it, damaged people are true survivors. They have been to hell and
back, living to tell their tales. They escaped their “dance with
demons.” They reentered the light changed and affected, with wounds on
full display like a peacock prancing for its mate. Damaged individuals
have been witness to some of the darkest experiences that humanity
offers, but they are rarely treated as anything other than abnormal.
Few
things in life annoy me more than witnessing self-proclaimed,
upstanding individuals reject the most vulnerable—those who have no
other choice but to grip their dark. Society can be particularly hard on
damaged people. Society judges individuals by a blanket understanding
of what it means to be normal. Look at the utter social hell people like
Angelina Jolie have endured; case closed.
I
have found strength in embracing the exquisite mess that I am. I figure
there is no way for me to change or avoid the past events that have
left me so affected. I choose to zero-in on my future. Most would not
survive the experiences that I and other damaged individuals have lived
through. This is not meant to build ego, but hopefully lends an
understanding on addiction and suicide correlations in the United
States.
In
the past few years, I have come to the realization that the things I
have survived have equipped me with a knowledge base and skill set to
help others navigate situations that they would otherwise not know how
to handle. It is not necessarily a toolbox I want to lug around, but if I
have it, I may as well do something good with it. When you are trapped
in the dark with eyes wide searching for the light, hold on—good is on
its way to you. It really is.
My
advice: Learn to be a damaged rebel in sheep’s clothing. Socially
speaking, we need more personal stories on overcoming trauma in hopes of
offering inspiration to individuals who are battling their dark.
Through my damage I discovered the gift of empathy. Empathy is the
ability to understand and share the feelings of another. It’s a very
paternal gift to me and has made me see the world from an entirely
different perspective. My role in life is to protect, especially those
who have been led to dance with demons.
Mark Henderson
Photography
Cory Frederick
|
CL Frederick
The Phoenix Newsletter
Kansas City's LGBT Newsletter
Read more articles by CL Frederick, here.
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