My Letter to HIV
Out of all the models of stages of grief I have found in my journey living with HIV this model very closely resembles what I have gone through. HIV since you invaded my life in 2009 I have become a stronger man. I have learned how to love more freely. I have learned to be more accepting of others. I have learned to trust in my Father God more than ever. I have learned that I do not have to sit by and let you (HIV) control my life.
HIV, you may have invaded my body, but my spirit is strong through my relationship with my Heavenly Father and you will not control me!! I have decided that I am worthy of love. I am worthy of acceptance. I am worthy to be called a Son of God. Therefore, HIV, you will not control my life any longer.
Thank you - HIV- for giving me a new outlook on life. I now appreciate living my life. I enjoy teaching others how NOT to let you INVADE their life as you have mine. I enjoy sharing each day with the love of my life. I enjoy LIVING!! I may be HIV Positive - But I will not be defeated!!
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"7 stages of grief"
Once again, it is important to interpret the stages loosely, and expect much individual variation. There is no neat progression from one stage to the next. In reality, there is much looping back, or stages can hit at the same time, or occur out of order. So why bother with stage models at all? Because they are a good general guide of what to expect.
For example, generally, a long period of "depression" (not clinical depression), isolation, and loneliness happen late in the grief process, months after this life changing event. It actually is normal and expected for you to be very depressed and sad eight months later.
Once again, it is important to interpret the stages loosely, and expect much individual variation. There is no neat progression from one stage to the next. In reality, there is much looping back, or stages can hit at the same time, or occur out of order. So why bother with stage models at all? Because they are a good general guide of what to expect.
For example, generally, a long period of "depression" (not clinical depression), isolation, and loneliness happen late in the grief process, months after this life changing event. It actually is normal and expected for you to be very depressed and sad eight months later.
Other's do not understand this, and feel that
it should be time for you to "get over it" and rejoin the land of the
living. Just knowing that your desire to be alone with your sad reflections at
this time is normal will help you deal with outside pressures. You are acting
normally. They just don't "get it".
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7 Stages of Grief...
1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the infection with HIV with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the infection at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.
2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.
1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the infection with HIV with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the infection at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.
2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.
You may have guilty feelings or remorse over
things you did or didn't do with your life. Life feels chaotic and scary during
this phase.
3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for
3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for
what has happened to you. Please try to control
this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for
the release of bottled up emotion.
You may rail against fate, questioning "Why
me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way
out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just make this go
away")
4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.
4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.
During this time, you finally realize the true
magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on
purpose, reflect on things you have done, and focus on memories of the past.
You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.
5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to living life with HIV, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.
6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life with HIV. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life living with HIV.
7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this life changing event. But you will find a way forward.
5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to living life with HIV, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.
6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life with HIV. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life living with HIV.
7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this life changing event. But you will find a way forward.
You will start to look forward and actually plan
things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your life
living with HIV without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be
gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even
find joy again in the experience of living.
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