You are not alone!!
I know it seems that your world is falling apart and that there is no hope.
I just want you to know there is hope. There are many organizations for
you to turn too for help with your emotional state. I have been there I know.
Being diagnosed with HIV may seem like the end of the world for you but
it is not!! Life will go on and you too will go on. Today there are so many
support groups, churches, and HIV organizations you can turn to for help and
guidance at this time. I want to share my story with you so you know I really do
know what your are going through.
When I was first diagnosed with HIV, I felt numb all over. I am sure you are feeling
that way too. I chose to trust in GOD, to help me through the emotional turmoil that
was going through my mind. The questions going on in my mind at the time:
Why Me?
How am I gonna tell my partner?
How am I gonna tell my family?
How am I gonna tell my friends?
What will people think about me?
AM I gonna die?
What now?
This list goes on and on.. I am sure many of you are asking yourself the same questions!!
Well, the answer, tho it may seem too easy, is to just take a deep breath and chose to LIVE!
Life does go on with HIV. You can live a great life. You can have a great relationship with
someone who will love you despite the three letter word. You need to make a list of those who
you care the most about that you know will give you support. Make a list of those you think will
not support you. Compare the two and ask God to give you direction in who to confide in.
We all need a support system that will hold us, let us cry, let us shout, let us be mad, let us get through the initial turmoil.
I remember that day May 28th, 2009 just like it was yesterday. I left the clinic where I was tested, drove home, sat on my porch and cried for what seemed like an eternity. I yelled at God, I cried out to God, I did not blame God, I just wanted to know why. Well, my friends, the why is, simply put because I did not protect myself!! You have to realize it is all about taking the time to use protection!! You can not just trust the person you decide to have sex with unless you know beyond a shadow of a doubt they are clean!! You have to love yourself enough to protect yourself!!
At this point you are probably wondering what about your partner. Well, at that time in my life I was separated from for my partner for about three months. I chose not to protect myself during those three months and I contracted HIV!! I did it to myself. I have no one else to blame but myself for not protecting myself.
At the time I found out that I was HIV+ my partner and I had reconciled and were very happy. We have been together now for 15 years, and I thank God everyday for giving me such a loving and supportive partner in LIFE!!
Back to my first week of finding out I was positive. I remember the first person I called was a manager friend of mine at work. I just started crying when he answered the phone. He was at my house in less than 10 minutes and just held me as I cried!! This friend of mine took me away from my house, took me to eat and just listen to me. He was there for me when I needed a friend and I will never never forget that day. As we sat there eating lunch I am sure I was asking him all those questions you read above. With a soft gentle voice he told me everything was going to be ok and I was not going to die. He told me my partner would understand and love me through it, he told me that my family would support me and they all do!! Yes this manager is not only my manager but one of the best friends I could ever ask for!!
I did not work for a week. Thank God for vacation time!! I continued to cry out to God to give me the strength to talk to my partner and my family. That week was the hardest week of my life. I did get to talk to everyone close to me that week and God gave me the best support system I could have ever asked for in life.
I can not stress enough that YOU have to protect yourself. You do not have to disclose your status to anyone, unless you are planning on have relations with them. Then my friend you must respect that person enough to let them know and protect them!!
My family doctor immediately got me in to see a specialist in HIV infection. God was so good to get me in to the most experienced specialist in my state!! We immediately did all the necessary blood work to see what strand of HIV I had contracted and what medication would help with controlling it when the time came to do so. For the next several months I was to go in every three months to monitor the progression of the virus. In September of 2009 I was hospitalized for my heart. I had never had any problems with my heart. Needless to say the virus was beginning to take a toll on my health. In October of 2009 when I went in for blood test results my mother was with me. Thank God for a mother who loves and supports her HIV son!! The doctor came in and did not have a smile on his face. He began to explain to me and my mother that in his thirty plus years of working with HIV he had NEVER seen as fast of a progressor as I had in my system. He told us that even tho my immune system was still ok (cd4 above 700), that if I did not start on HIV medication I would be dead, yes, he said dead in less than 2 years. My mother just gripped my hand as we began to weep. The doctor then said that he really thought I should start medication as soon as possible but it was my decision. I looked at my mother and saw the hurt in her eyes as I am sure she saw the same in mine. I said lets do this. I did not want to die!! So began my journey on HIV medication.
I remember getting my HIV medication on my front porch in a brown paper wrapper a week later.
I opened the envelope and just starred at the bottle. I knew that once I opened that bottle and took the first pill there was no turning back. I was scared, I had read all the side effects that the medication can have on your body and I really was dreading starting the medication. I had two neighbors on my porch with me that night when I decided to take the medication. I called my mom and started crying. She comforted me and told me she would stay on the phone with me as I took that first pill. I remember choking it down through the tears and my neighbors hugging me and letting me know I was gonna be okay. My mom was assuring me on the phone at the same time that I was gonna get through this and live!!
So began my journey fighting this deadly virus HIV!!
I know it seems that your world is falling apart and that there is no hope.
I just want you to know there is hope. There are many organizations for
you to turn too for help with your emotional state. I have been there I know.
Being diagnosed with HIV may seem like the end of the world for you but
it is not!! Life will go on and you too will go on. Today there are so many
support groups, churches, and HIV organizations you can turn to for help and
guidance at this time. I want to share my story with you so you know I really do
know what your are going through.
When I was first diagnosed with HIV, I felt numb all over. I am sure you are feeling
that way too. I chose to trust in GOD, to help me through the emotional turmoil that
was going through my mind. The questions going on in my mind at the time:
Why Me?
How am I gonna tell my partner?
How am I gonna tell my family?
How am I gonna tell my friends?
What will people think about me?
AM I gonna die?
What now?
This list goes on and on.. I am sure many of you are asking yourself the same questions!!
Well, the answer, tho it may seem too easy, is to just take a deep breath and chose to LIVE!
Life does go on with HIV. You can live a great life. You can have a great relationship with
someone who will love you despite the three letter word. You need to make a list of those who
you care the most about that you know will give you support. Make a list of those you think will
not support you. Compare the two and ask God to give you direction in who to confide in.
We all need a support system that will hold us, let us cry, let us shout, let us be mad, let us get through the initial turmoil.
I remember that day May 28th, 2009 just like it was yesterday. I left the clinic where I was tested, drove home, sat on my porch and cried for what seemed like an eternity. I yelled at God, I cried out to God, I did not blame God, I just wanted to know why. Well, my friends, the why is, simply put because I did not protect myself!! You have to realize it is all about taking the time to use protection!! You can not just trust the person you decide to have sex with unless you know beyond a shadow of a doubt they are clean!! You have to love yourself enough to protect yourself!!
At this point you are probably wondering what about your partner. Well, at that time in my life I was separated from for my partner for about three months. I chose not to protect myself during those three months and I contracted HIV!! I did it to myself. I have no one else to blame but myself for not protecting myself.
At the time I found out that I was HIV+ my partner and I had reconciled and were very happy. We have been together now for 15 years, and I thank God everyday for giving me such a loving and supportive partner in LIFE!!
Back to my first week of finding out I was positive. I remember the first person I called was a manager friend of mine at work. I just started crying when he answered the phone. He was at my house in less than 10 minutes and just held me as I cried!! This friend of mine took me away from my house, took me to eat and just listen to me. He was there for me when I needed a friend and I will never never forget that day. As we sat there eating lunch I am sure I was asking him all those questions you read above. With a soft gentle voice he told me everything was going to be ok and I was not going to die. He told me my partner would understand and love me through it, he told me that my family would support me and they all do!! Yes this manager is not only my manager but one of the best friends I could ever ask for!!
I did not work for a week. Thank God for vacation time!! I continued to cry out to God to give me the strength to talk to my partner and my family. That week was the hardest week of my life. I did get to talk to everyone close to me that week and God gave me the best support system I could have ever asked for in life.
I can not stress enough that YOU have to protect yourself. You do not have to disclose your status to anyone, unless you are planning on have relations with them. Then my friend you must respect that person enough to let them know and protect them!!
My family doctor immediately got me in to see a specialist in HIV infection. God was so good to get me in to the most experienced specialist in my state!! We immediately did all the necessary blood work to see what strand of HIV I had contracted and what medication would help with controlling it when the time came to do so. For the next several months I was to go in every three months to monitor the progression of the virus. In September of 2009 I was hospitalized for my heart. I had never had any problems with my heart. Needless to say the virus was beginning to take a toll on my health. In October of 2009 when I went in for blood test results my mother was with me. Thank God for a mother who loves and supports her HIV son!! The doctor came in and did not have a smile on his face. He began to explain to me and my mother that in his thirty plus years of working with HIV he had NEVER seen as fast of a progressor as I had in my system. He told us that even tho my immune system was still ok (cd4 above 700), that if I did not start on HIV medication I would be dead, yes, he said dead in less than 2 years. My mother just gripped my hand as we began to weep. The doctor then said that he really thought I should start medication as soon as possible but it was my decision. I looked at my mother and saw the hurt in her eyes as I am sure she saw the same in mine. I said lets do this. I did not want to die!! So began my journey on HIV medication.
I remember getting my HIV medication on my front porch in a brown paper wrapper a week later.
I opened the envelope and just starred at the bottle. I knew that once I opened that bottle and took the first pill there was no turning back. I was scared, I had read all the side effects that the medication can have on your body and I really was dreading starting the medication. I had two neighbors on my porch with me that night when I decided to take the medication. I called my mom and started crying. She comforted me and told me she would stay on the phone with me as I took that first pill. I remember choking it down through the tears and my neighbors hugging me and letting me know I was gonna be okay. My mom was assuring me on the phone at the same time that I was gonna get through this and live!!
So began my journey fighting this deadly virus HIV!!
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