Finding a community is at the top of my listābut how?
by John Francis Leonard
When reaching out to other men, primarily online, Iāve seen that fear
firsthand as well as a frightening amount of recalcitrance. I rarely
connect with local men anyway, as they rarely interest me, and, believe
me, I seem to hold little interest for them. This, along with the fact
that most of my friends, whom I treasure, are far away leaves me
feelingā¦well, isolated.
I canāt blame it all on my HIV status, but what I wouldnāt give to have access to a community of HIV-positive long-term survivors to connect with locally. This month, Iāve written a story on an incredible LTS organization out of Portland, LKA-PDX [see āStrength in Numbersā], and was just amazed at the large community theyāve built. It also reminded me that isolation when youāre positive is not limited to those in smaller towns and cities; even in a larger more diverse community you can feel like youāre all alone. Part of it is getting older. Your priorities shift and your expectations and even your geographical location change. When weāre positive and of a certain age and demographic, we may have lost lovers as well as many friends to the plague in our early years.
So, the question is, what do I do now? What I strongly believe, what I was always taught, is that itās futile to expect others to do it for youāyou must make some changes yourself. Iāve been writing professionally for a year now, and it alone has expanded my horizons immeasurably. Iāve had the privilege to meet and work with some incredible people that I admire greatly. People who are effecting change for themselves and their community. Iāll expand and broaden that work; it brings me so much. I wonāt give up on meeting āthe one.ā If heās farther afield, all the better. The great thing about writing is that you can do it anywhere. Newer horizons can only bring new material. I was recently disappointed that things didnāt work out with a long-distance relationship I had cultivated for over two years (yes, that guy in Canada). But, finally ending things with him opened me up for an incredible guy Iām interested in who lives down South. Weāre planning my trip there soon. You never know, he could be it.
Iām also thinking about the possibility of moving on my own. Iāve already done major cities on each coast. Iām thinking of one larger than my own, but not too large. Somewhere with a community I can connect with, with organizations and services for a LTS like myself. Portland sounds awfully interesting. Perhaps most importantly, I will cultivate those friendships I do have, regardless of distance. I have some remarkable friends, both positive and negative. A great gift several years ago was the opportunity to reconnect with my best friend from high school, a remarkable HIV/AIDS advocate and writer in his own right. Iām made some incredible friends among my colleagues at this magazine alone. They mean the world to me already. Iāve lost touch with most of my friends from my previous life, but maybe thatās to be expected and is only healthy. Iāve grown so much in the past eight years; Iām not the same person I was then. Thank God for that!
Iām giving some thought to starting even a small support group here locally. There are a small number of doctors and even a local non-profit providing services to those who are HIV-positive. I volunteered for that organization upon my arrival to this town so I know there are some of us out there, especially in my cityās underserved urban neighborhoods. I could even finally give in and sign up for Facebook, as there are many online communities of HIV-positive individuals to join there. I guess my point is that I do have choicesāmaybe my mistake is in not reaching out and exploring what is already available to me. As the incredible Marianne Williamson says, āA miracle is only a change in perception.ā
John Francis Leonard is an advocate and writer, as well as a voracious reader of literature, which helps to feed his love of the English language. He has been living with HIV for thirteen years and he is currently at work on his first novel, Fools Rush In. Follow him on Twitter @JohnFrancisleo2.
Read more articles from A&U, here.
I canāt blame it all on my HIV status, but what I wouldnāt give to have access to a community of HIV-positive long-term survivors to connect with locally. This month, Iāve written a story on an incredible LTS organization out of Portland, LKA-PDX [see āStrength in Numbersā], and was just amazed at the large community theyāve built. It also reminded me that isolation when youāre positive is not limited to those in smaller towns and cities; even in a larger more diverse community you can feel like youāre all alone. Part of it is getting older. Your priorities shift and your expectations and even your geographical location change. When weāre positive and of a certain age and demographic, we may have lost lovers as well as many friends to the plague in our early years.
So, the question is, what do I do now? What I strongly believe, what I was always taught, is that itās futile to expect others to do it for youāyou must make some changes yourself. Iāve been writing professionally for a year now, and it alone has expanded my horizons immeasurably. Iāve had the privilege to meet and work with some incredible people that I admire greatly. People who are effecting change for themselves and their community. Iāll expand and broaden that work; it brings me so much. I wonāt give up on meeting āthe one.ā If heās farther afield, all the better. The great thing about writing is that you can do it anywhere. Newer horizons can only bring new material. I was recently disappointed that things didnāt work out with a long-distance relationship I had cultivated for over two years (yes, that guy in Canada). But, finally ending things with him opened me up for an incredible guy Iām interested in who lives down South. Weāre planning my trip there soon. You never know, he could be it.
Iām also thinking about the possibility of moving on my own. Iāve already done major cities on each coast. Iām thinking of one larger than my own, but not too large. Somewhere with a community I can connect with, with organizations and services for a LTS like myself. Portland sounds awfully interesting. Perhaps most importantly, I will cultivate those friendships I do have, regardless of distance. I have some remarkable friends, both positive and negative. A great gift several years ago was the opportunity to reconnect with my best friend from high school, a remarkable HIV/AIDS advocate and writer in his own right. Iām made some incredible friends among my colleagues at this magazine alone. They mean the world to me already. Iāve lost touch with most of my friends from my previous life, but maybe thatās to be expected and is only healthy. Iāve grown so much in the past eight years; Iām not the same person I was then. Thank God for that!
Iām giving some thought to starting even a small support group here locally. There are a small number of doctors and even a local non-profit providing services to those who are HIV-positive. I volunteered for that organization upon my arrival to this town so I know there are some of us out there, especially in my cityās underserved urban neighborhoods. I could even finally give in and sign up for Facebook, as there are many online communities of HIV-positive individuals to join there. I guess my point is that I do have choicesāmaybe my mistake is in not reaching out and exploring what is already available to me. As the incredible Marianne Williamson says, āA miracle is only a change in perception.ā
John Francis Leonard is an advocate and writer, as well as a voracious reader of literature, which helps to feed his love of the English language. He has been living with HIV for thirteen years and he is currently at work on his first novel, Fools Rush In. Follow him on Twitter @JohnFrancisleo2.
Read more articles from A&U, here.
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