My Personal Journey Living with HIV/AIDS Continues
I knew from the beginning, writing this section of my continued journey
would not be an easy one for me to write. I have had a struggle for the past
couple of years with an injury from my last job, to becoming disabled. What a
blow below the belt right? Through it all I have somehow been able to keep my
sanity because of my wonderful support network of family, friends and church
family. Of course, I could not have sustained if it had not been for my wonder
spouse, who puts up with me on a daily basis. I am sure I drive him almost
insane with the mood swings and all the hospital stays. But let me stop, I am
getting ahead of myself. I do that sometimes.
Before I get to far along here and forget, I want to share something
very special with you all that I have learned this last month from a really
special person in my life. One of my all time favorite musicians has taken his
fans, including myself, who are friends with him online on a 21 days of
Gratitude Journey with him. Levi Kreis made this so simple for us to do each
day. He would start it out by saying what he was grateful for that day, whether
it is big or small, and we just commented our grateful for after him. It was so
nice getting to see others learning that we have so much to be grateful for
each day if we just stop long enough to list out what we are grateful for that
day at that moment. Levi has started me on yet another, but exciting new
journey, running parallel with the journey I am already on, to be grateful. I
want to thank you, Levi Kreis, for being such an awesome inspiration in my
life.
I want to tell you that everything has been a bed of roses for the past
couple of years. I want to tell you that life has been wonderful and full of
joy and happiness. I want to tell you a lot of things that would make this
journal entry so much lighter, but I cannot sit here and lie about my personal
life experience. Now granted not everyone goes through the same emotional,
physical or even spiritual process the same. So as you read my journey please
do think this is how it will be on your personal journey living with HIV/AIDS.
We ALL experience HIV/AIDS in our own unique way. However, we ALL share one
thing in common; we that have HIV/AIDS know what it is like to be going through
some kind of personal emotional journey. The reason I am writing this journal
is to hopefully give inspiration and hope to someone who may feel hopeless or
that they are the only one who is going through it. YOU are NEVER alone.
Trust me there is always someone out there that has gone through it
before you.
So let me get back to telling you about the last couple of years of this
journey I have been on. Like I started to say in the first part of this article
my health has seemed to be a roller coaster ride from the dark side. After
losing my job, from the workers compensation incident, I decided I would be
okay for a while and just look for a better job. I never found one. Being the
semi smart person that I am I thought what the heck I will just go back to
school and finish getting my college degree. That would have been great, if
what happen next did not happen to me. Everything was looking great. I had all
the financial assistance I needed to help pay for my education. I was taking the
classes necessary to finish the degree I wanted. Two weeks into attending
classes, bam, and my world came crashing down around me. I was between classes
apparently when my life changed forever.
I had gone out to my truck to get a drink of my soda, when it hit me. I
totally blacked out with my eyes wide open. It was like my brain shut down but
I could everything around me. I had no idea where I was, so I called my Mother.
She told me I was attending school and to look around at the buildings and let
her know what I saw hoping it would jog my memory. Well, it didn’t, I was so
scared and I wanted to go home. So I just got in my truck and took off home. I
am surprised I found my way home. Thank you, God, for always watching out for
me in my time of need.
I started having hard to explain migraine headaches. Well, I went to two
different emergency rooms within the next two weeks and was sent to a
neurologist only to find out that I had been having mini TIA’s. I went through
a lot of testing. I even had a nerve test done and found out that I Peripheral Neuropathy
in hands, arms, legs and feet. So you can imagine that I thought I was falling
apart. The story does not end there.
This year 2013, has been a very busy year with doctor appointments and
hospital stays. I have been in the heart hospital twice this year. I have had
to have my gallbladder removed. I am seeing a psychiatrist and a counselor. I
have been experiencing so many different things going wrong with this ole body
as I am aging that there are times I just want to give up. Giving up is NOT the
answer.
I tell you all these things because it is not an easy journey living
with a disease that eats away at your immune system. Yes, the medication that
keeps the virus under control is great. However, you need to know that you
still have the virus. Since you have HIV/AIDS it is up to you how you are going
to take care of yourself. It is so very important that you surround yourself
with people that will support you and comfort you.
I have met so many wonderful people who have been LIVING with HIV/AIDS
for 20+ years online and in person.
They all have told me the same thing. You just have to LIVE your life.
You may HIV but know that HIV does not have you unless you let it. If you have
just found out you are HIV positive and need someone to talk to, you can always
call the hotline in your state and they can help you get in contact with
support in your state. Here is the page to find the Hotline for your state: http://hab.hrsa.gov/gethelp/statehotlines.html
.
Having HIV/AIDS today is NOT the end of your LIFE.
Forgiving yourself for allowing yourself to get yourself into this
situation will probably be the hardest thing you will ever do.
You will be able to talk to your friends (true friends), family, pastor,
doctor, whoever you need to about how you are feeling. But when it comes to
forgiving yourself, which is going to be the one thing, you are going to have
to DO, if you want to move on and have a happy life.
For now I leave you with this:
God is Good – ALL THE TIME
His Grace and Tender Mercy is enough for me
May God’s Blessings and Peace be upon all who take the time to read my
journey.
Stay tuned for more to come.
David
